Four weeks ago, I was in a Beijing hotel room. I had said my goodbyes that morning to those I love in Changsha, and was trying to put on a happy face. I went out to dinner with some other exchange students going home, and we had Korean food…a cheap replacement for the meal Sangmin still owes me, but good food none-the-less. I was trying to focus on the present, and was surprisingly successful. Now I wish I could really say the same…
I’m here. Back in California, where I was born and raised.
I’m surrounded by an overwhelming culture, and everyone looks the same. No matter where I go, I feel surrounded by people with straight hair. It was cold today, and I wore an outfit that just seemed so out of place…it felt like everyone was staring at me. I rode a public bus after school that was completely packed.
It’s things like this that are the strangest. I’ve been here almost a month but it still feels like just a few days. So many things in this country are strange…and so many people aren’t as great as I expected them to be. The troubles I faced in China were different in specific ways from each other, but now I’m seeing that overall the same things are always coming up. I… I don’t really know what to write, other than I miss China a lot. Not China as a whole country, really, just Changsha I suppose. That city became as much of a home to me as where I live now, which is impressive, considering I’ve lived in the same house here as long as my memory. Looking at that last sentence, I’m not all together sure whether or not it’s correct. My English really has gotten a lot worse.
Anyways. From what Pauline and Moritz have told me, a lot has changed at Tongshenghu..both for the better and worse. Their schedule is different now, and they’ve got homework. Midori changed families. Sangmin gets back from Korea today, Karina got back from Yunnan (a different city in China) sometime last week. I haven’t gotten to talk to Giulia or May yet… my friends set up Skype on the library computer, but it didn’t work when they tried to call me last night. Hopefully tonight it will work. Honestly, I think I miss them much more than I missed anyone from the US when I went to China in the first place. When I went to China, I knew I would be coming back, and that things wouldn’t be too different upon my return…whereas now, who knows when I’ll return? And it’s obvious that it can never be the same way again.
But that’s the thing with life, isn’t it? It’s always growing and changing;forever moving on. You’ll never be able to relive this exact moment. Sometimes that’s a good thing, and other times bad obviously, but that emotion or opinion is completely irrelevant to the fact of it’s validity. This all sounds so cliche but it’s so true…there’s a reason cliche’s exist. Sometimes it just takes a while to know really what they mean, and not just remember what they say..